it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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