At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
