Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
