Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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