You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
