I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
God I need to hump something, right now.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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