she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
