fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize