I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I just cut my nipple shaving
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
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