I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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