I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
