I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
