If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Randomize
