Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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