SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
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