Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
