So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
