Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
