His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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