it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
