he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
