my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
