all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
