You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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