his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
How does one acquire holy water?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
