So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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