someone owes me an orgasm
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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