You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
