If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
It's blow job season.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
