I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
