brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
