You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
