When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
