Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
