Kiss
Puke
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
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