Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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