she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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