apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
