I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
