On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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