I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize