You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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