Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Randomize
