Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
