No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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