it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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