so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
