i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
