He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Randomize
