He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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