What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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