Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
