I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
