yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Swine flu. Run for my life!
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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