Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
