there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
