please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
