Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
