i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
