Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.