I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.