she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize