She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..