i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again