Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...