he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
And the cops told us we were all naked.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
