sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
