Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Just cropdusted the office
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
