You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
