3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
