we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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