No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
